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 All that usual disclaimer crappiness. We know I don’t own it. My bank balance certainly shows that.
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A Not so Simple Plan
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“What the hell is all of this?” Alec strolled into Joshua’s old house, Logan’s current residence, a little confused as to what he was seeing before him.
“It’s nice to see you too Alec.” Logan spoke it a slightly condescending manner, but what was expected? This guy had taken his girl.
“Sorry.” Alec shrugged his shoulders and scratched at the side of his head. “Just a little curious as to what all of this is.”
Alec directed an arm across the array of materials sitting on the bench, as though he were a game show host. There were steel bowls, spoons, flour. He turned his head slowly to Logan, a concerned look on his face.
“It’s what Max asked for.”
“Brownies?”
Logan rolled his eyes impatiently. “No Alec, Max contacted me and said she was sending you over and we were to bake a cake. So here are the ingredients to do that. I have my grandmother’s recipe and- why are you laughing?”
“I’m sorry.” Alec tried his hardest to stop, but he couldn’t. “You thought when Max asked us to bake a cake, we were actually baking a cake?”
“Well,” Logan paused for a moment, looking around the room for no reason but to avoid the glare he was receiving. “Where not baking?”
“No Logan. When Max asked you to get supplies to bake a cake, she meant a rather explosive cake. Emphasis on the explosive part.”
“Oh, she wanted us to build a bomb?” Alec bit his lip and nodded. “Then why didn’t she just say that?”
“You’re guess is as good as mine buddy, why does that girl do a lot of things?”
Alec moved to the bench and started to move bits and pieces around. Logan watched him for a moment and spoke under his breath. “You’re not wrong there.”
“Things not so good between you two still huh?”
Logan straightened himself slightly. “What makes you say that?”
“You’re last comment.” Alec turned to Logan with a grin on his face. “It’s the transgenic hearing, talking under your breath doesn’t help.”
Shit! Logan thought to himself, he was getting so used to being around transgenics that he sometimes forgot that they were genetically enhanced. “Let’s not go there.”
“Fine by me.” Alec grabbed a bag from the bench and ripped it open, quickly smiling at Logan. “Chocolate chips!” He then shoved a handful of them in his mouth.
“Jesus Alec, can you keep your mind on the job for just one second? No wonder Max is always saving your ass.”
Alec stopped mid throw of chocolate and turned back to Logan. “As opposed to the amount of times she’s had to save you from impending doom. Because it’s the third week of June Logan, isn’t it time you got kidnapped again?”
Logan stood even straighter, fists balling. “Those events happened under very important Eyes Only missions I’ll have you know and where do you get off-”
“Where do I get off?” Alec mimicked Logan’s stance. “You’re the one who can’t decrypt a simple message and get the things you need to make a bomb. A bomb Logan! Not Grandma’s prized cake!”
“Well I’m sorry if we weren’t all raised by a secret government authority who thought baking a cake sounded like a great code for making a bomb and leave my grandmother out of this!”
“Have you ever watched TV? Making a cake is no governmental code, it’s just a saying.”
“Sorry Alec, I still like to get a lot of information from books.”
“Oh, so that’s what they call those buzzing things with screens and keyboards these days is it? Books?”
The two stared at each other for a moment. Alec brushed a hand through his hair and slapped it back to his side. “Look, we don’t have time for this. Nor do we have time to get more supplies. Let’s just go and get Max.”
“Fine.”
Logan turned away and went to retrieve his jacket. When he returned he brushed passed Alec without a sideward glance. Alec shook his head at the man, before throwing a few more chocolate chips into his mouth. He spoke as he followed Logan to the door.
“Good luck telling Max why we don’t have what she wanted.” Logan stopped in the doorway and sighed, before moving off again. “Don’t worry, I’ll give her some chocolate, might make her feel better.”
Alec laughed slightly, he swore he heard Logan growl.
**********************************
“Yeah?” Alec removed the cell phone from his jacket pocket, eager to have the frozen silence that encased the interior of Bessie finally crushed. “Oh hey Max.”
Logan shot a glance at Alec as he tapped his fingers on his leg, listening to Max’s instructions. Logan turned the wheel of his car slowly and began to round a corner. Alec swiped his hand across Logan’s arm, causing him to flinch a little more than he would have liked. He frowned, but followed Alec’s motioning to pull the van over.
“So you’re at mine now?” Alec shrugged his shoulders questioningly, as though Max was right in front of him. He was twitching slightly, as if a bug was biting at his arm. Finally he realised that it was Logan tapping at his shoulder and turned to him. “One second Max.” He moved the cell to the side of his face and rose his eyebrows at Logan. “What?”
“Tell Max I didn’t realise about the “cake”” Logan emphasised the quotations around cake.
Alec sat silent with an open mouth for a moment, then pulled the phone back to his ear. “We’ll be there in ten Max.”
He then closed the phone and slid it onto the dash board.
“You didn’t tell her.”
“Well Logan, I’ve come to discover that when it comes to Max, hold off on the things that are likely to piss her off till later.” He pointed back behind him. “We have to go to my place.”
Logan crossed his arms in front of him. “I think I know Max a little better than you Alec and she’d want to know that we couldn’t give her what she needed.”
“Only one person in this car who couldn’t do that.” Alec spoke so quietly that all Logan heard was the expulsion of carbon dioxide.
***************************************
“Would you just let it go Logan?” Alec threw the door of his apartment open and stormed inside. “We’re here now and you can tell Max about your balls-up all yourself.”
“It wasn’t a ‘balls-up’ as you so politely put it. It was a simple misunderstanding.”
Logan closed the door behind him as Alec turned to him, throwing his hands out in front of himself. “Whatever man, I really don’t care. Main thing is you were the stuff up, not me. Though I’m sure Max will-”
Alec spun on the spot, taking in everything around the room. “Where is Max?”
Logan stepped forward, taking his own glance of the apartment. “You sure she said she was here?”
Alec didn’t bother answering, he just gave Logan a sideward glance that warned him to keep his mouth shut. “Max?! You around?!”
“In here Alec.”
The muffled voice came from behind Alec’s bedroom door. Logan was wary of the voice’s location, his body stiffened as he moved his eyes from the door to Alec. “She did know I was coming didn’t she?”
The last thing Logan wanted was to walk in on something…no he couldn’t even fathom the thought. Alec picked up on the jealous vibe and decided to take advantage of the situation.
“No actually I didn’t. Wonder what she could be up to?”
A smirk moved across Alec’s face as he watched Logan’s pale. That was enough for now. He stepped forward, twisted the door knob and pushed the wooden frame open. He looked at Logan and smirked again, “Knock, knock…guess who’s - what the hell?”
Alec stepped back as he took in the scene before him. Logan moved to his side and did the same.
“What the hell is he doing here? And why is he tied to my bed?”
“Well all the other beds were so uncomfortable, but this one was just right.” White produced his trademark smirk. “You don’t have any porridge do you?”
“And why isn’t he gagged?” Alec’s voice rose a pitch or two as he confronted Max with a confused look.
“Ah, Max.” Logan stepped forward, ignoring the current situation. “About the cake.”
“Awww, you shouldn’t have 452.” White wriggled in his restraints. One might think he was enjoying this.
“Logan,” Alec half turned to him, holding a hand out in his direction, “Would you just drop the whole cake thing.”
“No, what about the cake?” Max sidestepped so that Logan was in her line of vision.
“It didn’t get made.”
Max moved closer to Alec, her brow furrowing. “Why? What did you do wrong?”
“What did I do wrong? Ask Logan, he’s the one who was going to make Grandma’s specialty.”
“Your grandmother built bombs?” Max threw her head back in surprise. “I thought she was a nice old lady?”
“My God, could you two be any thicker?” Alec looked between Max and Logan. “Logan, without his army training, thought that when you asked him to bake a cake you meant just that.” He handed Max a bag. “Chocolate chips and all.”
“Oh.” Max looked a little embarrassed as she stared at the almost empty bag in her hand.
“Well it wasn’t as if I’ve made a bomb before.” Logan leant awkwardly against the door frame. “Don’t know why you asked me to in the first place.”
Alec’s mind twigged for a moment. “Why did you ask us to do that? Not like it couldn’t be done at TC where people would actually” he turned to Logan, “know what they were doing.”
“Isn’t it obvious 494?”
Alec held a finger up to White, without looking at him. “Shut up Goldie Locks.”
But White ignored him. “452 wanted a little alone time with the Special Agent In Charge. Didn’t you…Max?”
“Oh God.” Alec continued to hold a finger to White, but keeled over as though he was going to heave. “Did anybody else just go to a scary visual place?”
“Oh yeah.” Max’s face took a paler shade as she too held back the urge to regurgitate.
“Count me in.” Logan stepped back awkwardly as images flashed across his eyes.
White’s hand was raised as high as his restraints would let him, his head nodding as a wicked smirk passed across his features. “Right there with you.”
Alec looked up at Max, “Can we please gag him and you tell me what the hell’s going on?”
“Logan, would you watch him for a minute?” Max asked.
“But, why can’t I know…is this because of the cake?” Logan moved a little closer to the bed.
“Logan, if you don’t drop this cake shit I’m going to-”
“No Logan,” Max grabbed Alec before he could continue and pushed him out the door. “It’s got nothing to do with that at all. I promise I’ll fill you in in a moment. Okay?”
Logan shrugged and spoke just above a whisper. “Fine Max. But the cake thing really was an accident.”
Max gave him a stiff smile and exited the room, closing the door behind her, trying to muffle the sound of Alec‘s irritated groan.
******************************
“What is he doing here Max?” Alec spoke through gritted teeth, the veins in his throat pulsating through his frustration.
Max didn’t know why, but she was whispering. “I was going to meet up with Original Cindy and Sketch, when I turned the corner and smacked straight into him. This was the closest place.”
“You live ten minutes away!” Alec was slouching over as his frustration continued to build.
“Yeah and something tells me that dragging Ames White around the Seattle streets for ten minutes might raise some eyebrows! Not to mention suspicion that I’m a transgenic.”
“Oh, but it’s ok to bring him here, to my place.” He paused for a moment. “Fine, whatever. Just get him off my bed, there are chairs here you know.”
“But your bed has a wrought iron bed head, it’s strong enough to hold him.”
“Not to mention the bruises when you wack into it repeate-” Alec took in the disgusted look on Max’s face. “Never mind.”
“Gladly,” Max brushed the thought she held off, “If you find me a better place to restrain him, then we’ll move him.”
“Good, now give me back my chocolate.” Alec tried to snatch the bag that Max’s hand was grasping.
“No!” She jerked the bag away from them. “They’re mine now.”
“Max give me the chocolate or I’ll-”
Alec was cut off as his front door opened, Original Cindy and Sketchy walking inside.
“Hey Boo, everythin’ go to plan?”
“Come right on in guys,” Alec spoke sarcastically as he motioned his hands for them to enter, stopping mid wave and then turning to Max’s wide eyed expression. “Plan?”
“Hey Alec dude, how’s it going?” Sketchy came up behind his friend and slapped a hand to his shoulder.
“Uh?” Original Cindy stepped between the two transgenics, afraid that Alec would burn a hole through Max with his fierce glare. She moved to Max’s ear and spoke quietly, “Did I jus’ put my foot ‘nit?”
“Maybe a little.”
“Oops, sorry Boo.”
*************************************
“Interesting that they left a human in here to watch me, given that they know what I am.”
“Yeah it really is.” Logan tried to play cool, but he had to admit to himself that he had been thinking the same thing. “Guess they think that little of you.” Hang on, Logan thought, Did I just insult myself or…?
“Think that highly of yourself do you?” White snickered. “Interesting.”
Logan was about to retaliate when the door opened and Alec came storming into the room, closely followed by Max.
“Give me the keys Max, now!”
“No Alec.”
“Give them to me!”
“No!”
“Fine!” Alec stepped forward and wrapped his hands around the bedpost, ripping it from it’s frame. He grabbed White’s cuffs and dragged him forward and across the end of the bed, all while his legs were still chained to the end posts. “Now undo his legs.”
Max stood, arms crossed in front of her as OC, Sketch and Logan all looked on, wide eyed. Finally Max gave in, more worried that in his anger, Alec would allow White to get the upper hand and get them all killed. She moved forward and undid White’s restraints. Alec lifted White to his feet and brought him close to his face, he then drew his head back and snapped it forward in a haze of speed and anger, cracking White’s skull and throwing him into unconsciousness.
“Give me the keys.”
Alec dragged White’s body towards the door and held a hand out to Max. She dropped the keys in his hand. Not at all happy to do so however. “What are you doing Alec?”
“Well I thought of taking him to your place, but God forbid he see your underwear or something.”
Alec dragged White out of the room, his voice muffled as he continued his pissed banter.
“Your boy does not seem happy Boo.”
“You picked up on that too?” Sketch look at Cindy, his face stretched in an ‘uhoh’ expression.
Max stormed out of the room and OC and Sketch eagerly followed.
“He’s not her boy.” Logan spoke quietly and lazily moved out of the room.
************************************
“What the hell are you doing Alec?”
Max had followed Alec into the bathroom, OC, Sketch and Logan all trailing behind.
“What does it look like I’m doing Max?” Alec fastened the cuffs around the now stirring White. “I’m cuffing him to the toilet.”
“And why are you doin’ this?” OC spoke with one eyebrow raised.
“Who wants to answer the million dollar question?”
“Cause the pipes of your john are the strongest in the house. Much stronger then your bed anyway.” The group gave Sketchy a surprised look. He shrugged. “My cousins a plumber.”
“Well Sketch my man, “Alec stepped over White’s body and moved to Sketch, slapping a hand to his shoulder. “For knowing the answer, you get first watch.”
With that Alec gave him a quick smile and left the room, pocketing the cuff keys as he left.
*******************************
“So what? You’re just going to leave him there, tied to the toilet?” Max followed Alec into the kitchen, arms reaching out in front of her. Logan was in toe, with Cindy remaining in the bathroom with Sketchy.
“Yeah. That’s the plan Max. A plan that I just formed and if I had thought of it earlier, a plan I would have let you in on.” Alec slouched so that his face was level with Max’s, his finger pointing into her face. “What you may also notice is that this plan is taking place in my apartment and if I had chosen to do it at your place I would have asked. Just like you should of here.”
Alec turned his back on her and stepped away. Max slammed her hands onto her hips. “Oh like you would have let me if I did.”
Alec turned and walk back to her, returning to his earlier position. “When have I ever said no to you Max?”
“Uh.” Max was lost for words and fidgeting on the spot.
“He’s got a point Max. You should have asked.” Logan spoke quietly from the sidelines.
Max shot her head to his direction, her eyes filled with venom. “What? You join him in the stuff up brigade and you’re suddenly best buds?”
They all yelled at once.
“Logan was the one who stuffed up not me…”
“I’m not exactly the first to not know how to make a bomb and…”
“Just a simple instruction. Make a bomb, not that hard to do. I mean my God, you can do it with enough flour.”
“You always find some way of turning everything around on me.”
“Eyes Only doesn’t blow things up and what did you need the bomb for anyway?”
“To keep you two out of my hair!”
“You’re hair? When were we in your hair?”
“All you have to do is ask Max, you know that, but God forbid you actually talk to me at the moment.”
“Would you lot SHUT UP!” Sketch stood at the doorway, looking at his friends with a terribly disappointed expression. “Some of us are trying to intimidate the Secret Agent tied to the toilet and let’s just say that with all this noise, it’s not really working.”
With that Sketchy slammed the bathroom door shut, leaving Max, Logan and Alec standing in silence. They all slowly looked a one another and then started laughing. Max keeled over and held her stomach in pain. “Sketch intimidating White is almost as good as Logan’s cake making skills.”
“Hey!” Alec and Max continued to laugh, while Logan crossed his arms in front of him, hurt by Max’s comments. “That hurts Max, it really does.”
**********************************
Sketchy strolled slowly towards White, his steps exaggerated. Original Cindy sat inside the bathtub, her legs flung over the edge and a smirk resting across her face as she watched Sketchy play out his tough-guy dream. She had to admit that she was a little nervous to be in the same room as Ames White, Special Agent of not good things. She knew if anything was to go down, then Max and Alec would give the man a fair ass whooping, but the butterflies still fluttered. Although the fact that they had left her and Sketchy on watch made her think that they knew he wasn’t getting away. At least that’s what she kept telling herself.
Sketch tried not the laugh at the uncomfortable position White was in. His arms and feet both wrapped around the bottom of the toilet, his face lying almost inside. Sketch paced back and forth, trying to intimidate the agent. At least that’s what he’d seen done in the movies.
“Is that supposed to be intimidating?” White’s voice came almost muffled from the toilet bowl. “Because the scum in this toilet is doing a better job.”
“Tell me Ames…You don’t mind if I call you that do you?” Sketch rubbed the bottom of his chin, trying to make the character authentic.
“By the time I’m out of here you’ll be calling for me to stop jumping on your grave.” White’s voice echoed within the porcelain.
Sketch gulped hard. This wasn’t going as smoothly as he had hoped. “It’s standard procedure in these situations to grant one request Ames. What would yours be?”
“What would you know about these situations, you pathetic piece of-”
“I’ll ‘ave you know that Sketch here is a master of these situations, now cooperate or I’ll kick your fine ass out that window.”
“OC!” Sketchy spun towards her and whined through his teeth. “Leave this to me would you and since when did you enjoy a blokes ass?”
“Original Cindy has eyes boy, jus’ cause she prefers the feminine variety, doesn’ mean she ain’t see what’s right in front of ‘er.” Cindy nodded in the direction of White’s ass and smirk. “Don’ worry, OC thinks you ‘ave a fine ass too.”
Sketch couldn’t help blushing. “Damn straight…So Ames,” He flung around and squatted beside White, suddenly wishing he had a long coat to flick back for effect. “What will it be?”
“Fine, I’ll play your game.” White lifted his head backwards, causing it to crack. He did the same left to right. “I’ll have a toothbrush.”
Sketchy was surprised, “A toothbrush?”
“Yeah, you know…” White pulled his head back further and started to sing, “Brusha Brusha Brusha, brushin-”
THWAP!
“Whadid ya do that for?” Original Cindy jumped a mile high when Sketch smacked White in the side of the face, almost falling out of the tub. She got to her feet and moved over to him.
Sketchy shook his hand in pain, “I really hate that song. My little bro used to sing it all the time.”
“I didn’t know you had a little brother.” OC looked at him, a little confused. Sketch had never mentioned it before.
“Yeah well, I had a little brother.”
“Oh.” OC stepped back a little, sensing that Sketch didn’t want to go any further.
“Well that’s a shame, because with the toothbrush I could have scraped the scum off the inside of this bowl and shoved it down your little brother’s throat until he’d taste shit for the rest of his life.”
THWAP!!!
Sketchy started to kick into White’s side repeatedly. “You son of a bitch!”
Original Cindy started to freak out. Though White deserved this, she new that Sketch was going to get hurt. She attempted to pull him away, but Sketch pushed and OC went crashing through the bathroom door, almost dragging it from its hinges.
“Cindy!” Max bolted forward and slid along the ground to her friend, while Alec and Logan burst into the bathroom.
Alec had his arms wrapped under Sketchy’s in seconds, pulling him away from White. He was surprised by Sketch’s strength. ““It’s ok man, just calm down. What the hell did you do to him?”
Alec snapped his head towards White, who laughed at the commotion. “You pack a fair punch there boy. Must have some good breeding.” He chuckled to himself. “Do it again and I’ll kill you.”
“Shut up!” Alec kicked White fair in the jaw, blood spilling from his lip. He pushed Sketch toward Logan, who led him out of the room. “Get him home.”
“Do you think that’s wise?” Logan turned back to Alec as Sketch bent down to OC, doing everything he could to apologise. Original Cindy of course accepted and the two embraced, OC wincing slightly from the bruises on her arms and body.
“Yeah Logan, I do. Just take him and Cindy as well. It’s not a code, just a simple instruction.”
Logan crossed his arms in front of him. “I didn’t realise I was taking instructions from you.”
“Logan please,” Max stepped forward, ready to put a hand on his shoulder, but managing to stop herself. “Take Sketch and OC home. It’s safer if they’re not here.”
“But-”
“Please?”
“Fine.” Logan pulled his keys from his pocket and he and Sketch helped OC out the door.
**********************************
“What the hell did you say to him?” Alec had White by a tuft of hair and was pulling his head back just shy of a snap.
“Alec! Let go of him!” Max suddenly had her hand wrapped around Alec’s arm and was trying to release his grip. But he wouldn’t give, so she did the only thing she could. She stomped him fair on the toe, causing him to instinctively let go.
“Jesus Max! What was that for?” His brow was scrunched in pan and he hobbled backwards.
“Well you wouldn’t let go and he’s unconscious anyway! You weren’t getting anything out of him.”
Alec looked down to the sleeping White and shrugged his shoulders. “What the hell happened in here?”
Max looked down at White and motioned Alec outside. He took a wary glance himself and hobbled out after her.
******************************
“I didn’t know that Sketchy had a little brother.” Alec’s voice was sombre, but his anger towards White was growing again. Someone aught to rip that guy’s head off.
“You’re not the only one. In the few years that I’ve known Sketch, he’s never mentioned him.” Max sat next to Alec on the couch, her arms leaning against her legs, head looking to the floor.
Alec exhaled a long deep breath as he leant back on the couch and dragged a hand through his hair. “Poor guy.”
“Yeah.”
********************************
Fools. White snickered as he heard the door close behind the two pieces of filth. 452 was obviously lacking in the skills to tell when someone was in fact conscious and when someone was faking. Stupid bitch.
White knew that he didn’t have long. He was going to have to be fast and as quiet as possible. He hoped that the two transgenics were so involved in the lovey dovey ‘poor friend’ chat that they wouldn’t be taking advantage of that enhanced hearing. He hoped.
White manoeuvred his feet and hands into position. Familiars didn’t feel pain, but this was going to hurt. He placed the pressure down on his feet, forcing his thighs to push down, allowing him to rise. He balled his hands into fits and groaned inwardly, his face pouring red with strain. He used the cuffs to his advantage, hooking them under the back pipe of the toilet and reefing upward.
He felt the tiling loosen around the base and applied more pressure to his thighs. He could feel the bowl loosen more and more and he knew it was so when he felt the area around his shoe moisten, water starting to release from the bottom.
The water turned to a river of red as the cuffs gorged into his wrists, but he blocked it out. This was his last chance, surely they would hear him if he didn’t do it now. He took in a deep breath and slammed his legs downward with all their might. He felt the air between the floor and ceramic, and his feet were free from the bottom. Not waiting another moment he moved to the window and pushed the toilet out of it, following it only moments later.
************************************
“Did you just-”
“Here that?”
Max and Alec were up in an instant and moving toward the bathroom, eyes wide, both knowing that it was too late.
A pool of red was trailing towards the door as they opened to see the window smashed and White and the toilet gone. Both were so busy with their thoughts that they hadn’t heard a thing.
“Shit!” Max flung around to Alec and shoved him in the chest.
“Hey!” Alec protested, but Max continued.
“You know what, let's play Pin The Blame On The Idiot Who Got Us Into This Mess. I blame you. Can you guess why?”
Alec moved away from her and to the window, sticking his head out and looking below. “Shit his gone.”
“Geeze, I wonder why I blame you Alec?” Max continued with her own rant. She mimicked earlier conversations. “Can anybody tell me why I cuffed him to the toilet? Cause the john’s got the strongest pipes in the house. Obviously not strong enough!”
“Listen, you brought him here. This was your brilliant plan! Don’t take it out on me because you quite obviously had no idea what you were really doing!”
“I knew what I was doing!”
“What then?” She didn’t answer. “What?!”
“Shut up Alec!”
Alec threw his hands in the air and groaned in anger. “Great answer there Max! Why can’t you just admit you were wrong.”
Max mimicked his gesture. “Because I wasn’t!”
********************************
“Two transgenics Sir?.” The local Sector Cop saluted White, as though he was his military superior. White waved it away and nodded. “You’re injured Sir.”
“Looks that way. How many men are coming?” White pulled a handkerchief from the Sector Cops pocket and wrapped it around his left wrist.
“No more yet Sir. We actually heard the noises whilst on patrol and came to check it out.”
“Good, I want you to leave it that way. Don’t call anyone else in.”
“Would you at least like a medic Sir?”
“No I’m fine.”
The Sector Cop looked White over, his suit was covered in blood and his face bruised.
“Very well Sir, what shall we do?”
White contemplated it for a moment. “They hurt me…” A smirk moved across his face. “Burn them. Burn them to the ground.”
“But Sir?” White gave him a fierce look. “Do you know that they’re still in there?”
White smiled at the Sector Cop, turned and strolled away.
THE END!!!
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